Wednesday, March 11, 2015

"Want Some False Doctrine in Your Life? Try These Handy Tips!" by Steven Kozar

Don't be shy about it-admit it: false doctrine is fun and, well, it just feels good. Here are some handy tips to keep you fully deceived and incapable of discernment:

1. Always think to yourself: "I know what he meant" when false teachings are taught; don't listen to the actual words themselves. Pretend you are giving someone the "benefit of the doubt" when you're actually permitting bad teaching. Also, bad teaching isn't so bad if the pastor tells an emotional story to drive home the heresy; and he must be telling the truth if he starts to cry, especially at the same point of the story in multiple services!

2. Here's a handy saying: "No church is perfect!" The assumption here is that it's not of any value to carefully examine doctrine because all churches are wrong in one way or another, so just accept anything. If you go to the church because "you feel comfortable there" and the "worship team really rocks" you'll probably never have to think much about doctrine anyway. This can also be modified as: "No pastor is perfect!" False teachers and mediocre pastors really appreciate it when you think this way.

3. Focus on your feelings rather than the clear teachings of Scripture. Because you're a sinner, this will be very easy. For added validation of your false beliefs, convince yourself that God told you to disobey Him and somehow violate His word; but don't use such obvious language. For example, say: "I really feel that God spoke to my heart, that's why I believe it's okay to       (fill in the blank with whatever sin and/or false doctrine you want). A great little catch phrase to instill this principle would be something like this: "Theology will never change a man as much as a direct encounter with God." Of course, if you really had a direct encounter with God you'd probably be dead...

4. Allow false doctrine from a teacher because "he has some good things to say, too..." A handy little phrase to repeat is: "Chew on the meat and spit out the bones." Although this concept isn't Biblical, pretend that it is. It will probably help you to imagine yourself "open-minded" and "non-judgmental" when you repeatedly ignore God's clear instructions to hold fast to correct doctrine.

5. Consider "doctrine" the same thing as "religiosity" or "legalism." If you realize that doctrine is just another word for teaching (and the Bible demands correct teaching) you might decide to become more discerning, and remember, false teachers everywhere are counting on you to stay ignorant and gullible.

6. Promote false teaching "for the sake of the un-churched." You want to have lot's of new people coming to church, don't you? Well, give the public what they want and watch attendance skyrocket! Remember, the unrepentant sinners out there will show up if they are promised something to appease their selfish desires. Better sex? Bigger paychecks? Well-behaved children? God can give your un-saved neighbor all of that-and more! The seeker-friendly pastor already knows this dynamic growth program, and with your blind support (and weekly tithe checks) he will craft emotionally appealing motivational speeches to convert pagans into regular attending members! And let's not forget that these same pastors ("leadership experts") will provide your community with a sense of purpose and identity (and a six-figure salary for themselves), so don't bog them down with Biblical requirements that would stunt the growth of the organization.

7. "Group Think" is a major component of false doctrine, so, "go with the group!" Fortunately for you, there are plenty of groups that are teaching and promoting false doctrine, so just pick the one you're most comfortable with and buy into their twisted version of Christianity. Here are some of your choices: 
     First, there's the "What do we believe this month?" "Emerging", Post-Modern church (think: Rob Bell, Brian McClaren, etc.). Millennials love this one; it's hip and it only get's hipper as it dumps Biblical doctrine in favor of pagan mysticism and cultural sensitivity (which is usually just capitulation to the culture). Remember, you're never actually believing false doctrine, you're just "having a conversation!" Wink wink, nudge nudge.
     Second, for the suburban soccer-mom crowd, there's the "seeker-friendly" mega church (think: Rick Warren, Bill Hybels, Andy Stanley, etc.). These churches are a mash-up between a cinema-plex, a shopping mall and a Starbucks. Bigger is better, right?! And if you ever (accidentally) start to question whether anything lines up with Scripture, you can just take a look around the vast auditorium: this many people can't be wrong! As long as you think so, you clever little conformist! 
     Thirdly, for the truly adventurous, you can find a vast number of Charismatic churches that aren't even close to orthodox Christianity! (Think: Bill Johnson, Rick Joyner, T.D. Jakes, etc.) What's not to like about a church that believes anyone can come up with new doctrine anytime by hearing directly from God?! Oh sure, they give lip service to the Bible, but with proof-texting, they can make the Bible appear to say anything! Does God just want you to be rich, happy and successful? Sure He does! Do we just have to "speak that into existence?" Sure we do! Remember, the Holy Spirit is your personal genie in a bottle, and after you've swayed back and forth with the praise band for an hour or two, you'll actually start to believe that. Key words and phrases: "Woooo!" "Fire!" "More, Lord, more!" "Shaba!" "I feel a releasing of the anointing that is beginning to shift the atmosphere, and the mantle of His presence is about to come down so that the glory of His anointing can release His presence into the manifold destiny of His glory..." 


  1. Oh wow. Nailed it. I've been saying the same things and taking a lot of flack for it. Keep up the good work!

  2. Thanks so much, Clifford! You keep up the good work, too!

  3. You hater you! Lol its all about feeling good! The truth is show decisive! The voice in my head told me! Shaba.. dootee doootee ... Shaba Shaba

  4. Hope you don't mind us sharing your article on our site and radio program tomorrow:

  5. #1 was AWESOME! I did that for nearly 20 years in Tim Keller's church. Every time he said something that sounded a little sketchy, I always said to myself, "I know what he meant."

  6. Great job. I reblogged this on my blog
    God bless us.

  7. Wow, yes, this nails it!!! Its exactly how all of the local churches our in this area...

  8. Very good...reposting.

  9. This recent conference message may be of interest to some. It addresses true and false prophets and the modern charismatic chaos. See what you think...

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  12. I lost track years ago of just how many times I've had someone throw #4 as if they were throwing the "Hail Mary pass" that will win the Super Bowl of wisdom down the field.

    I've also lost track of the number of faces aghast in shock when I intercept the ball in the red zone and run it all the way back down the field and into the end zone as the clock expires because:

    (A) I am willing to defend against such an idiotic statement when it presents itself, rather than just nod like I agree and head back to the coffee bar as most seem to do.
    (B) I do not respond with the cloying vague indirect huggy non-judgemental "I love you man!" nonsense that most of the church today refers to as "speaking in love".
    (C) I not only refute the assertion as being false, I point blank, describe in detail eactly why it is false, why it is entirely un-Biblical, and how even from the most general secular viewpoint, it is not only asinine, but utterly illogical as well.

    My favorite immediate jab to set them back on their heels and set them up for the volley of punches that will end the match is:

    "Interesting. Tell me brother, do you know how to poison a dog?"

    Keep up the good work brother. Few may listen, but if even one does, it's worth our efforts.

    God bless and keep you and yours.